Of course all good ideas come when you are sitting on the couch watching reality tv. More specifically, The Bachelor, provided a moment of inspiration and clarity as I got my fill of unrealistic reality.
Now, I do want to state for the record that I do not watch The Bachelor/Bachelorette series because of its so realistic and sustainable portrayal of finding your soul mate over a two week period while going on extravagant helicopter dates that fly over volcanoes all the while a camera is perched two feet away from your face as you divulge every intimate detail of your life. Natural, right? No. But I do enjoy the entertainment value it brings to my life each week as I try to guess which romantic connections will carry on past the dreaded rose ceremony.
Enter now my epiphany. Week after week, and season after season, I have watched women get told that they cannot be given a rose because the connection just wasn’t there, but that it was there (this week) for twelve other women…and that it is time for them to return home, alone. Or as I like to call it getting “Bachelored.” After their public rejection the women are then sent to a fancy limo which whisks them away back to their stark reality of “normal life.”
It is at this point that they have their own monologue with the camera in which there are tears, lots of tears, and usually snot flying everywhere as they question why they are being sent home. It was then that it dawned on me as I watched yet another tear filled monologue that all these women had something in common and that was in what they said to the camera after being dumped. They manage to choke out through tears that “they just want to be loved, and want to love someone.” It is typically followed up with a “what did I do wrong?”
As I was sitting on my couch, I realized that these women – beautiful, strong, smart, witty, talented, successful women – all have the strong need to be loved by someone. My first thought was that many of these women can probably have any guy that they want right and based off of how amazing they are should be content without a significant other, right? Not necessarily. I know everyone desires to find an intimate connection where they can give and receive love, so what was it that stood out to me? It was the fact that they thought they had did something wrong, that something was wrong with them and that was why they didn’t get the rose and were “bachelored.”
I realized at that moment that we so often find our worth and validation in whether or not we are in a relationship or are “in love.” It got me thinking about how often we look to others to inform us on how beautiful, successful, wonderful we are instead of just knowing that simply because of who we are.
My reality-tv-check made me realized that there is a need out there for women to discover how to love themselves first so that they are in a place where they can receive love from God and from others. Thus starts SingleLove, a way in which women can take the time to appreciate and have gratitude towards themselves that is full of love and respect. And my hope is that they truly find their value and worth by falling in love with themselves, and not by whether some guy gave them a rose or not.
Have you ever felt the need to be in a relationship in order to feel valued or worthy?
Well said blaynejohn! Personally when I was younger I did feel the need to be in a relationship to find value in myself. However, as I grew up and watched so many of my friends jump from relationship to relationship I realized how unhealthy it was to live life this way. Needless to say I had a perspective change.
Shannon, thanks for sharing and for the support! I hope that you find future posts inspiring and challenging as we are all on a journey of learning to love and value ourselves regardless of our relationship status. Thanks! -blaynejohn
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